Grammys: The You No Relevant Awards

Madonna – in Givenchy. It is so long since I have had a positive thought about Madonna. A thought about Madonna, really. Actually, I have had one, it was in the the Northern summer and I was eating ice-cream. I was licking and munching a waffle cone (obvs) and two scoops when I pondered the last time Madonna had eaten ice-cream. Do you think she ever does? I still wonder about this? This outfit – which I definitely do not hate – is outrageous and decadent and kind of pimped-out. In other words, it brings up the goods. Good on you for going there, Madge. But the shot of her bum all wrapped up in gee and jock strap? It is just such a desperate look-at-me that my good will is quickly blasted and banished. And I return to rolling my eyes and saying bloody sod you for going there.

Lady Gaga – in something horrific. Looking all sorts of horrific. At this point, it’s just sad. I don’t want to bring the mood down; we shan’t dwell.

Madonnamadonna buttLady Gaga

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