Angelina Jolie – in Atelier Versace. An absolute misfire from Jolie and evidence of my two biggest problems with her – she cannot wear clothes and she has no sense of style. Clothes swamp her; she becomes a coat hanger wrapped in reams of exquisite cloth that do nothing to flatter her body, that cling to the wrong parts, but admittedly do nothing to detract from That Face. Shall we step through her Critics’ Choice number? She is swimming (and I would argue drowning) in that silver fabric. There is just so bloody much of it. The triangular, bell-cut of that sleeve, cut where it is, make a mockery of her arms. The neck line and waist pattern, and all of that cloth, pull too tight in points about her waist, but just gush about her neck. Her breasts, which I would say are three sizes too large, and have not exactly moulded into her body, are accentuated by all of that fabric, and the neck sits in such a way, that the triangular jut of her new boobs, is actually accentuated by the fabric. Then her waist, which is tiny, actually looks rather odd, because the fabric is pulled too tight, but then it is just all too busy at the front and top. And then that tail. All Of That Tail. The skirt cut is not the worst part of the dress, but it’s still a lovely example of Not Interesting and probably a fitting end to a really bad dress. Next stop, her hair: it is too dark and again, whoever has done her makeup has turned her into a wax doll. In some pictures she looks like she’s been taken out of Madame Tussaud’s for the eve. Note: her dress is Atelier Versace and you must remember what we said about Versace last week?
Critics’ Choice: Worst Dressed Award