Oh my readers (all four of you; you know who you are).
The Met Ball. The annual frock showcase at which most celebrities are too scared to follow the theme.
Except for Sarah Jessica Parker and Christina Ricci and (I hate to say it) Madonna.
And at which, this year, the first year she was allowed to attend as Kanye’s plus-one, Kim Kardashian and Her Eminence, Anna Wintour, BOTH wore floral. Anna Wintour and a sex-tape celebrity wearing floral. Floral. To the same event. Can you imagine?
So, the Monday night event was themed punk. Most ignored. Most wore ‘a touch’ which is annoying. You are either in, or out, or staying home.
The news is mostly old now, and you have probably all seen the dresses. Here is what I wrote yesterday and didn’t post last night.
Kim Kardashian: Firstly, Kanye doesn’t look happy. Can you blame him? Secondly, the dress and look? Floral – and a large print floral – is difficult to pull off. And when you are jutting out front, jutting out back, everything becomes more difficult. She looks like a garish, overdone and heavy drape. And then she wore matching gloves. They don’t even fit. Why don’t they fit? Why are they there? Floral should be comfortable, comforting. Her look was neither.
Anna Wintour: Well I actually like it. But it’s not punk. And theme was punk. And it’s her night. And she didn’t follow the theme. She also dressed her daughter Bee and it was hellishly boring. And also floral.
Nicole Richie: faaaaaabulous. The spirit of her entire look is spot on – fabulous hair, a great understated draping dress and pale face with dark features. One of my favourites.
Rooney Mara: she’s on the money with Nicole – note both were in white. I liked her dress for its angles and her hair for its slick. Very impressive and a far better version of the nightgown Posh wore a few years back.
Katie Holmes: while we are on white and fabulous dresses, hers was anything but. Absolutely terrible and such a shame she got tangled up in toilet paper all over the red carpet. She actually reminded me of Charlotte from Sex and the City. And the shoes? Did anyone else think 90s, or was that just me?
Sienna Miller: I swayed each way and then read someone else’s comments and decided yes, it actually was good. Great even. The jacket was on the money and the hair accessory too. She still looked a little like an ex-wife of Rod Stewart. I found this confusing.
Miley: she got the theme right and must have been pleased she has indeed cut her hair. The dress though, unflattering and her hair should have been in a mohawk, which she has been working of late. There was a strong sense of Mrs Addams about it, but the slip beneath missed the punk boat. Think thicker overlay, still sheer, with big lace knickers and a cone bra. I’m right, aren’t I?
Sarah Jessica Parker: oh what a breath of MET air. Well played SJP. The tartan, the headpiece, the lace knicks, the dress, the split. It was all perfect. Let’s go back and think again about what the MET is actually about – it’s haute couture fancy dress and SJP nails it each and every year. You don’t need to love the fashion, it’s about fun and theme and fancy dress. And nailed by SJP.
Katy Perry: this is Renaissance, not punk. I’d almost prefer her to be in a giant cupcake than this. The white face and black hair, teamed with this dress and jewelling should be painted on a ceiling. No.
Anne Hathaway: the hair is right, the dress good – don’t mind the side-boob – the sleeves they were good too. I don’t really like it, but I think it’s good. More to come later on Valentino lurking in the background.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley: I like the velvet, i like the colour. She’s still boring.
Beyonce: who would have thought she’d get it wrong? Well history would actually say otherwise (last year was similar in look and off the mark). There was a lot of fashion influenced by Game of Thrones (Linda Evangelista) and I feel there’s something dragon-flamed in this which is all Khaleesi. She also looks uncomfortable and three seconds away from spilling, or splitting, or blowing off her belt.
Taylor Swift: didn’t Gwyneth wear and rock this a week ago?
Heidi Klum: is off to a wedding. I hope it’s not hers, she’s dating her personal trainer.
Kristen Stewart: love. Love. Love. And for any of you who read my post last night about women dressing for women – this is something Kristen does most times she dresses up and gets it right. When Stewart looks comfortable, she kills it. At the MET she looked comfortable – the jumpsuit in maroon, the spiked shoes, the makeup and hair. My outstanding favourite, closely followed by Richie’s hair.
Madonna: there was a theme and Grandma Ciccone followed it. I am forced to remind myself the MET is not about looking good, it’s fancy dress of the high end variety. I hate it, but it’s not the point. Pass.
Kylie Minogue: What is this oversized debacle which has an Alice in Wonderland feel? She never ever looks good. Someone please prove me wrong.
Emma Watson: best shoes yet; dress cut-aways aren’t working though. Do others agree there is one too many slashes going on here? Miranda Kerr did the same thing. Kerr is pretty; the MET isn’t about pretty. Why couldn’t she have had some fun. Oh, that’s right – Kerr doesn’t do fun.
The Olsen Twins: I like both. I love both, particularly the orange waft number. But and it’s a big BUT – it’s as Lainey Gossip described, Shades of the Orient. Not punk. The theme was punk.
Blake Lively: now that she’s a housewife I guess she must be boring. Bored.
These are just my humble thoughts, would love to hear yours.
I looked at a picture run-donw on Daily Mail: You be the judge