The dirty waft of Sk8er Grl meets Money On My Back

I feel compelled to blog. And apologies for doing so at such an infrequent rate of late – this is set to change.

So here we are, mid-week and confronted with a former Sk8er Grl and a Nickelback front man and the result of too much money and too little responsibility power of love.

Chad Kroeger has proposed, after six months and with an ugly 14-carat diamond, to a girl who hasn’t updated her wardrobe since she burst onto the music scene in the ’90s, Avril Lavigne.

I am a highly visual person and the combination of the two has left me reeling,  repelled, disgusted and anticipating some good and dirty gossip coming our way as their relationship unravels unfolds.

I wasn’t even aware that Avril Lavigne was no longer with Unfortunate Jenner (Brody).

In honour of this engagement (and with Big Thanks to Cousin Hannah) I thought I would relay some of Kroeger’s poetic stylings.

Here follows the words to ‘Figured you out’, a song which celebrates, in no particular order: doggy style, drugs, asphyxiation, fellatio, taking advantage of a female with low self-esteem and self-respect,  sexually transmitted disease, addiction, sun damage, semen stains (potentially Monica Lewinsky),  free-loading, over-consumption and which deplores the idea of being tied down.

Best of luck. I guess.

“Figured You Out”

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that’s on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you’re looking up at me
You’re like my favourite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can’t say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn’t that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)
And now I know who you are
It wasn’t that hard, just to figure you out
(Now I did, you wonder why)

I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you’re not impressed
While you put me to the test
I like the white stains on your dress

And I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck
And I love your lack of self-respect
While you passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck

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